It has been nearly a month since I last posted. I considered it often but just couldn't bring myself to blog. It's been a tough month for me, but I am finally really feeling like I am mending.
The accident was a tough experience for several reasons. The first, obviously, was the fact that I nearly lost my child. I had nightmares every night for the first two weeks, reliving the first moments when I saw him in the pool and pulled him up. My first thought before I had even moved was that he might be dead. It was such a repelling thought to me that I literally shut down all my emotion so it wouldn't overwhelm me. There is a detrimental side effect to trying to smother your emotions. It tends to ooze out at unexpected times and in potent doses. My sweet Sunday school class got a dose two weeks ago when I suddenly began to sob uncontrollably and had to leave the room. This happened the first Sunday back during worship as well. What surprised me the most, though, was my enormous outburst this past Wednesday after I took Sylvester in to put him to sleep. After he passed oh-so-quietly, I erupted in massive sobs and gave myself the worst migraine I've ever had. But it seems that the emotional wall I had erected has been removed. I finally feel like I can smile again and really mean it.
The second side effect of the accident is I realized that I wasn't the perfect mom I thought I was. Now that sounds pretty ridiculous, but I had actually started patting myself on the back for getting to know my kids so well and fulfilling a need with my family before they even knew the need existed. To fail in such a miserable way was a wake-up call for me that I am not perfect. I had to take a good hard look in the mirror, see all my defects, and reconcile with that.
As I consider the last few weeks, I have come to realize that a lack of control troubled me greatly. I have had to give that over to God and I am working on completely accepting His forgiveness. Quite honestly, I didn't want to be forgiven at first. I didn't believe that I deserved it. In my mind, I had failed to meet the basic need of protecting my child. I thought, what kind of a crappy parent sits blithely watching one child while not noticing that another child struggles for his life only yards away?
Only Christ is perfect.
I know this. I have known this for years. But I have not fully understood it until now. It is actually very freeing to accept that I am not perfect and will never be perfect. I will continue to strive to be more Christ-like, but I will never be fully in control, meeting every need of my family or my friends or my church.
I think of what Paul said in I Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"
Through my deficiencies, Jesus Christ revealed His almighty power. He has reminded me that my children are a gift and that I have a responsibility to raise them to know, love, and serve Jesus. He has also reminded me that time is a very precious commodity. We must spend it wisely. I spend a lot more time loving on my children than before. I also have a renewed passion for sharing the Gospel. Everyone's clock is ticking and we never know when someone's timer is going to go off. Don't put off living for Christ and sharing the Gospel because tomorrow may not be there - for you or for the other person.
Thank you Lord Jesus for loving me in spite of my imperfections and for lifting me up in my despair. When I walk through my valleys, I pray that I will always remember to lift my eyes up to see the next mountain top I am approaching.
News from the Smith family
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
A Minute Matters
Zach's story from Mommy's perspective.
We recently had a very enjoyable visit to some of Chad's family in Brookhaven, MS and Huntsville, AL. The kids had an absolutely wonderful time as they got in the creek at Papaw's, visited the Space and Rocket Center and NASA with Pop Pop and Nana, and, of course, got to swim in Nana's big glorious pool.
I had put off swimming lessons for the kids for the last two summers, but we had gotten these cute inner tubes last year and they got around very well with them. After three days, I developed a deceiving comfort around the pool with the kids.
On Thursday morning, we went to the NASA gift shop then the kids swam with me and Chad. We got out and had lunch on the deck next to the pool, then Chad, Pop Pop and Nana took everything inside while I sat out with the kids. Hannah was still eating with her back to the pool. Zach was standing gleefully next to the deep end of the pool where all the pool toys accumulated and was pulling them out and chunking them back in. Rebecca sat with me for several minutes as we watched Zach then she wanted down. She turned around and headed straight to the flower garden which was at the backside of the deck. From where I sat, I could turn my head to the right and watch the pool or turn my head to the left and watch the garden. As Rebecca stepped barefooted into the garden, I turned to watch her. I watched her long enough to make sure she didn't step on any painful items, then turned back to the pool. And my heart stopped.
It was quiet next to the pool. "Zachary?" I called out. Then from my position, I clearly saw the dark mass at the bottom of the deep end. I ran and leaped into the pool and swam to the deep end. Then I dove straight down to the bottom, located Zach who was vertically inverted, grabbed his ankle and swam to the surface. I remember screaming for help as I worked to get Zach's head out of the water and attempted without success to get him out of the pool. At that moment, Chad came running out and dove in to help me. I later learned that Nana had seen me dive into the pool from the kitchen window and told Chad to get out there to help me. He literally threw Zach out of the pool and got out to begin CPR on our blue son. I was dismayed that I was too tired to pull myself out of the pool and had to settle for pulling halfway out and grabbing Zach's ankle again. Chad's dad had arrived and Nana had gone to call 911. And as Chad breathed life back into our precious baby, I prayed and prayed and prayed. I joked later that I prayed so loudly because I think I wanted to be sure Jesus was hearing me. And my Lord did hear me. Zach started breathing and spit up some. I pulled out of the pool and kept eye contact with him and commanded him to breathe and stay with Mommy and Daddy. Then Chad picked him up and the ambulance arrived. Before transporting, poor Zach threw up all over Chad. Because of the concern for a concussion, Zach was taken to the ER. Chad rode in the ambulance while Nana and I drove behind.
Zach was taken to a wonderful children's hospital about 15 minutes from the house. They were so good to him and so caring to our family. Zach had blood work, a chest x-ray and a CT scan. Concussion was ruled out and oxygen levels looked good, but he had water in his lungs and his potassium level was around 2.4, incredibly low for the little guy. I learned that the potassium level drops after the oxygen level begins depleting in the body. After being diagnosed with pulminary edima, he was admitted as outpatient overnight to be observed for pneumonia which sometimes occurs.
Here's our baby hooked up to all his gadgets after we got to his private room.
I stayed the night with Zach and Chad went back to be with the girls. Hannah had watched the entire scene and had lots of questions. Thankfully, Chad got some one on one time with her and she had a special night of sleeping with Daddy.
Zach slept until his night nurse came on duty in the late evening to do another blood draw. Then he got to enjoy a red popsicle and all the apple juice he could drink.
It was a long night for me as I constantly tended beeping machines, rolled Zach back onto his back to keep his lines unobstructed and thus keep the machines from going berserk. And then there were the bathroom trips. Wow, a lot of work to get him about 8 feet away. But I wouldn't have it any other way. There was no way anyone was going to pry me away from him.
The next morning, Zach had another blood draw and confirmed his potassium levels were back at normal levels and had another chest x-ray to confirm just a little bit of water was left in his right lung.
It was difficult for him to play, but he so enjoyed the toys I had brought to make his stay more comfortable. Charity groups also came by and brought him a handmade smiley-face pillow (which he sleeps on every night), a handmade bear Daddy named Stripey (because it has striped fabric Mommy - duh!), a Monsters, Inc book, a coloring book, and small box of crayons! He was all smiles.
The resident doctor came in mid-morning and confirmed Zach was cleared to go home. She made instant friends with Zach when she named the Thomas trains I had brought him. It was because of this, I think, that he responded very openly when she asked if he remembered what happened. "I fell in," he said solemnly. "I tried to get out." That little sentence was like a lead weight on me. I had hoped that one of the scratches on his head meant that he was unconscious when he fell in the water. This confirmed that he had been wide awake. As I watched his little sister to make sure she didn't get a bug bite, my little boy was struggling for his life behind me.
I cried so much the first few days. There was so much guilt weighing on me. I learned very valuable lessons. First, never allow myself to get into a situation where I have to choose to turn my back on a potentially harmful situation no matter how benign it may seem. I had lost respect for the pool. Big mistake. Second, I had put off swimming lessons because we do not have a pool. Everyone needs to know how to swim. Period. I also learned that I love my children beyond description. I was ready to give my life for my child and I couldn't imagine living without him. It was just a glimpse of what God feels for us and it was almost overpowering.
We went back to Nana and Pop Pop's before lunch and got settled down. After supper Friday evening, we went to a nifty ice cream shop and Zach got a chocolate ice cream cone. He enjoyed every bite.
Zach is still working through his traumatic experience. As we were cautioned, we saw some aggressive behavior the first few days. He also does not want to be by himself. And, interestingly enough, he wants to play play-doh. It seems to be therapeutic for him. He played Friday and even ate down on the floor so he could keep playing. I was told he played at church Sunday morning, and then he played for about five hours on Monday. I can see that he is improving so I guess it's getting the job done.
After talking with the family, we pieced together the few minutes before the accident and I feel that Zach was under for about two minutes. A minute earlier and he may have received a reprimand and a huge hug. A minute later and this could have been a very different post.
We recently had a very enjoyable visit to some of Chad's family in Brookhaven, MS and Huntsville, AL. The kids had an absolutely wonderful time as they got in the creek at Papaw's, visited the Space and Rocket Center and NASA with Pop Pop and Nana, and, of course, got to swim in Nana's big glorious pool.
I had put off swimming lessons for the kids for the last two summers, but we had gotten these cute inner tubes last year and they got around very well with them. After three days, I developed a deceiving comfort around the pool with the kids.
On Thursday morning, we went to the NASA gift shop then the kids swam with me and Chad. We got out and had lunch on the deck next to the pool, then Chad, Pop Pop and Nana took everything inside while I sat out with the kids. Hannah was still eating with her back to the pool. Zach was standing gleefully next to the deep end of the pool where all the pool toys accumulated and was pulling them out and chunking them back in. Rebecca sat with me for several minutes as we watched Zach then she wanted down. She turned around and headed straight to the flower garden which was at the backside of the deck. From where I sat, I could turn my head to the right and watch the pool or turn my head to the left and watch the garden. As Rebecca stepped barefooted into the garden, I turned to watch her. I watched her long enough to make sure she didn't step on any painful items, then turned back to the pool. And my heart stopped.
It was quiet next to the pool. "Zachary?" I called out. Then from my position, I clearly saw the dark mass at the bottom of the deep end. I ran and leaped into the pool and swam to the deep end. Then I dove straight down to the bottom, located Zach who was vertically inverted, grabbed his ankle and swam to the surface. I remember screaming for help as I worked to get Zach's head out of the water and attempted without success to get him out of the pool. At that moment, Chad came running out and dove in to help me. I later learned that Nana had seen me dive into the pool from the kitchen window and told Chad to get out there to help me. He literally threw Zach out of the pool and got out to begin CPR on our blue son. I was dismayed that I was too tired to pull myself out of the pool and had to settle for pulling halfway out and grabbing Zach's ankle again. Chad's dad had arrived and Nana had gone to call 911. And as Chad breathed life back into our precious baby, I prayed and prayed and prayed. I joked later that I prayed so loudly because I think I wanted to be sure Jesus was hearing me. And my Lord did hear me. Zach started breathing and spit up some. I pulled out of the pool and kept eye contact with him and commanded him to breathe and stay with Mommy and Daddy. Then Chad picked him up and the ambulance arrived. Before transporting, poor Zach threw up all over Chad. Because of the concern for a concussion, Zach was taken to the ER. Chad rode in the ambulance while Nana and I drove behind.
Zach was taken to a wonderful children's hospital about 15 minutes from the house. They were so good to him and so caring to our family. Zach had blood work, a chest x-ray and a CT scan. Concussion was ruled out and oxygen levels looked good, but he had water in his lungs and his potassium level was around 2.4, incredibly low for the little guy. I learned that the potassium level drops after the oxygen level begins depleting in the body. After being diagnosed with pulminary edima, he was admitted as outpatient overnight to be observed for pneumonia which sometimes occurs.
Here's our baby hooked up to all his gadgets after we got to his private room.
I stayed the night with Zach and Chad went back to be with the girls. Hannah had watched the entire scene and had lots of questions. Thankfully, Chad got some one on one time with her and she had a special night of sleeping with Daddy.
Zach slept until his night nurse came on duty in the late evening to do another blood draw. Then he got to enjoy a red popsicle and all the apple juice he could drink.
It was a long night for me as I constantly tended beeping machines, rolled Zach back onto his back to keep his lines unobstructed and thus keep the machines from going berserk. And then there were the bathroom trips. Wow, a lot of work to get him about 8 feet away. But I wouldn't have it any other way. There was no way anyone was going to pry me away from him.
The next morning, Zach had another blood draw and confirmed his potassium levels were back at normal levels and had another chest x-ray to confirm just a little bit of water was left in his right lung.
It was difficult for him to play, but he so enjoyed the toys I had brought to make his stay more comfortable. Charity groups also came by and brought him a handmade smiley-face pillow (which he sleeps on every night), a handmade bear Daddy named Stripey (because it has striped fabric Mommy - duh!), a Monsters, Inc book, a coloring book, and small box of crayons! He was all smiles.
The resident doctor came in mid-morning and confirmed Zach was cleared to go home. She made instant friends with Zach when she named the Thomas trains I had brought him. It was because of this, I think, that he responded very openly when she asked if he remembered what happened. "I fell in," he said solemnly. "I tried to get out." That little sentence was like a lead weight on me. I had hoped that one of the scratches on his head meant that he was unconscious when he fell in the water. This confirmed that he had been wide awake. As I watched his little sister to make sure she didn't get a bug bite, my little boy was struggling for his life behind me.
I cried so much the first few days. There was so much guilt weighing on me. I learned very valuable lessons. First, never allow myself to get into a situation where I have to choose to turn my back on a potentially harmful situation no matter how benign it may seem. I had lost respect for the pool. Big mistake. Second, I had put off swimming lessons because we do not have a pool. Everyone needs to know how to swim. Period. I also learned that I love my children beyond description. I was ready to give my life for my child and I couldn't imagine living without him. It was just a glimpse of what God feels for us and it was almost overpowering.
We went back to Nana and Pop Pop's before lunch and got settled down. After supper Friday evening, we went to a nifty ice cream shop and Zach got a chocolate ice cream cone. He enjoyed every bite.
Zach is still working through his traumatic experience. As we were cautioned, we saw some aggressive behavior the first few days. He also does not want to be by himself. And, interestingly enough, he wants to play play-doh. It seems to be therapeutic for him. He played Friday and even ate down on the floor so he could keep playing. I was told he played at church Sunday morning, and then he played for about five hours on Monday. I can see that he is improving so I guess it's getting the job done.
After talking with the family, we pieced together the few minutes before the accident and I feel that Zach was under for about two minutes. A minute earlier and he may have received a reprimand and a huge hug. A minute later and this could have been a very different post.
I am so thankful to God for giving Zachary back to us. It has reminded me that I need to keep my priorities straight. I am so thankful for my husband who breathed life back into our son. His quick response made all the difference. I am also so thankful to the countless individuals who prayed for Zach and our family. We heard from some people we do not even know. Never underestimate prayer. We felt every single one.
Thank you sweet Jesus for returning Zachary to us. I know you have great plans for him and I cannot wait to see those plans unfold.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Cutting Boards and Trains
We set up the trains in the playroom yesterday. Zach just loves to build a gigantic track (and often asks me for more track) but we don't have many hard surfaces upstairs so the track keeps breaking apart on our carpet.
So today I pondered what we owned that could suffice as a track until we can create something for him. I remembered that I had a pretty sturdy cardboard sewing cutting board. Since it hasn't had much use lately I thought it just couldn't hurt to try.
So today I pondered what we owned that could suffice as a track until we can create something for him. I remembered that I had a pretty sturdy cardboard sewing cutting board. Since it hasn't had much use lately I thought it just couldn't hurt to try.
They absolutely love it! The track still breaks apart some at the cutting board seams, but it works much better than on the carpet plus they can move around the board and play very easily. In the picture above is Hannah and Zach feeding their goldfish crackers to the trains while the hot Texas sun blazes in from one of the skylights.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Kid Free Zone
Chad and I got an amazing treat this weekend. Around 5:00 Friday evening, we waved good-bye to the kids as they drove away with Grandmommy and Papa. We then let out an elated sigh as we did whatever we wanted on any schedule that suited us.
Friday night was packed with a stop to the sports store to pick up Chad's mended club, dinner at Outback (where we ran into two of our dear friends who were also on a date!), stops at Family Christian, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Lowe's and Walmart. We stayed up until after 11:00 because we knew we could sleep in the next morning!
Saturday dawned . . . and we buried into the covers. We leisurely ate breakfast then went garage sale shopping in our neighborhood. We bought some fun goodies, made new friends, and gabbed with old friends. Then we came back to the glorious air conditioning and I made a late brunch which even included homemade hash browns. Who says I don't remember how to use my Kitchen Aid attachments? At 1:00 we headed up to Cindy's School of Dance and signed Hannah up for her first dance class! Then we came back and enjoyed the afternoon doing whatever our little hearts desired. I cleaned up the entire upstairs and even washed all the bedding and organized my schoolroom bookcase with my newly purchased organizing items. We had a late supper and watched GI Joe which was very fun and very action packed!
Sunday arrived and even without the kids, we were somehow late! I think I dawdled too long thinking I had tons of time. We watched TV while eating lunch on TV trays (ah, those were the days) and then just had some relaxing time for the afternoon.
I will admit that I cranked up Enrique Iglesias and Abba while I worked in the playroom. I will also admit that after the floor was cleared, I used the entire space as a dance floor. Yes, I am a dancing Baptist and, yes, I do have rhythm. lol
So now I go to put my shoes on and head out to pick up the kids. It has been a very relaxing and very enjoyable weekend. I'm starting to miss the kids a little, but I really think I could go a few more days and be just fine! Thanks Bill and Susie for offering R&R to this Mommy & Daddy. You two rock!
Friday night was packed with a stop to the sports store to pick up Chad's mended club, dinner at Outback (where we ran into two of our dear friends who were also on a date!), stops at Family Christian, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Lowe's and Walmart. We stayed up until after 11:00 because we knew we could sleep in the next morning!
Saturday dawned . . . and we buried into the covers. We leisurely ate breakfast then went garage sale shopping in our neighborhood. We bought some fun goodies, made new friends, and gabbed with old friends. Then we came back to the glorious air conditioning and I made a late brunch which even included homemade hash browns. Who says I don't remember how to use my Kitchen Aid attachments? At 1:00 we headed up to Cindy's School of Dance and signed Hannah up for her first dance class! Then we came back and enjoyed the afternoon doing whatever our little hearts desired. I cleaned up the entire upstairs and even washed all the bedding and organized my schoolroom bookcase with my newly purchased organizing items. We had a late supper and watched GI Joe which was very fun and very action packed!
Sunday arrived and even without the kids, we were somehow late! I think I dawdled too long thinking I had tons of time. We watched TV while eating lunch on TV trays (ah, those were the days) and then just had some relaxing time for the afternoon.
I will admit that I cranked up Enrique Iglesias and Abba while I worked in the playroom. I will also admit that after the floor was cleared, I used the entire space as a dance floor. Yes, I am a dancing Baptist and, yes, I do have rhythm. lol
So now I go to put my shoes on and head out to pick up the kids. It has been a very relaxing and very enjoyable weekend. I'm starting to miss the kids a little, but I really think I could go a few more days and be just fine! Thanks Bill and Susie for offering R&R to this Mommy & Daddy. You two rock!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Even more for sale!
China Doll with soft body $20
Fisher-Price Brilliant Basics Stacking Action Blocks $3
Care Bear Musical Toy $3
Little Einsteins Baby Neptune Activity Toy $8
Girls Shoes sizes 2/3 $20 for lot
Girls Shoes size 4 $15 for lot
Shopping cart cover and changing pad $10 set
Fisher-Price Brilliant Basics Stacking Action Blocks $3
Care Bear Musical Toy $3
Toy plays music and lights up when belly is pressed.
Little Einsteins Baby Neptune Activity Toy $8
Girls Shoes sizes 2/3 $20 for lot
Girls Shoes size 4 $15 for lot
More for sale
Boppy Nursing and Baby Pillow $10
This hard-to-find nursing pillow includes two pockets.
Graco Pack-n-Play $40
This was my mom's and only used for visiting grandbabies. Includes bassinet and mobile. Folds for easy storage. Instructions included.
Baby Einstein DVD's $2 each or $5 for set
Lamaze Chime Garden $10 
Fisher-Price Barnyard Basics - Let's Go Bowling $8 
Baby Safe Feeder and replacement bags $8 
Little Tikes Melody Beads Piano $10 
This hard-to-find nursing pillow includes two pockets.
Graco Pack-n-Play $40
This was my mom's and only used for visiting grandbabies. Includes bassinet and mobile. Folds for easy storage. Instructions included.
Baby Einstein DVD's $2 each or $5 for set
Includes Animal Expedition, First Words-Around the House, and Music Festival.
Lamaze Chime Garden $10
This sweet little toy plays music in three different settings and lights up when the child presses on a flower. Instructions included.
Baby Lotion $10 for lot
We have a little one with hypersensative skin so none of these items ever got used.
Baby Lotion $10 for lot
We have a little one with hypersensative skin so none of these items ever got used.
Fisher-Price Barnyard Basics - Let's Go Bowling $8
The ball says "moooooo" as it rolls to knock the pins down! Original carry case and instructions included.
Baby Safe Feeder and replacement bags $8
An ingenious little contraption that allows you to give your teething child fruit and veggies to suck on without the fear of choking on pieces of food. The mesh bags are removable for washing or replacing as needed. Two feeders included.
Little Tikes Melody Beads Piano $10
This cute hard-to-find toy plays different types of music or animal sounds when the child touches a key or pulls on the colorful bars. Instructions included.
Smith Garage Sale
As the youngest Smith members have been growing, we have come to realize that it is time to let go of some of our infant equipment. I will be doing a few different posts with all the equipment and toys we are selling. If you would like to see a piece in person or ask any questions, feel free to call or email me.
Graco Duo Glider Double Stroller $75 - NOT recalled
Includes two snack trays, a parent tray with clock / temp, 5 or 3 point harness, large storage bin, full recline in rear seat, and rear seat holds most Graco infant car seats. Instructions included.
Graco Contempo High Chair $45 
Baby Trend Infant Car Seat w/base $8 
Evenflo Triumph Car Seat $40 
Evenflo Mega ExerSaucer Active Learning Center $25 
Enspira / Eddie Bauer Deluxe Convertible Car Seat $40 
Graco Duo Glider Double Stroller $75 - NOT recalled
Includes two snack trays, a parent tray with clock / temp, 5 or 3 point harness, large storage bin, full recline in rear seat, and rear seat holds most Graco infant car seats. Instructions included.
Graco Contempo High Chair $45
I bought this for my second high chair when I had two little ones and it has been used only as needed, usually just for guests. Stores at just 7 inches wide! Adjustable height. Instructions included.
Baby Trend Infant Car Seat w/base $8
This item was donated to our old MOPS group. It is missing the sun screen but is otherwise in terrific shape. Instructions and sun screen frame included.
Evenflo Triumph Car Seat $40
This was in my mom's car for a few years and then I used it very briefly. For children 5-40 pounds for rear or forward facing. Instructions included.
Evenflo Mega ExerSaucer Active Learning Center $25
Has three heights and includes all accessories shown. Instructions included.
Enspira / Eddie Bauer Deluxe Convertible Car Seat $40
For children 5-80 pounds. Includes detachable cup holder and two side pockets. For front or rear facing. Instructions included.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Happy Birthday John!
We were very excited to attend my step-dad's 50th birthday party today. There were loads of family members there and it was so nice to get to see Aunt Carol and Uncle Jim, who live down near Houston.
Look at this amazing cake that my awesome sissy made!
Here's me and my handsome hubby. Man, am I really that short? lol 
Look at this amazing cake that my awesome sissy made!
It was chocolate and she had even made tools all around it! Yes, my sister totally rocks.
The kids had fun playing at Mamaw and PawPaw's with some relatives they don't see too often.
Here's me and my handsome hubby. Man, am I really that short? lol
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Yellow House Closes
Many of you know that I have a home business called The Yellow House. I love working with arts & crafts and thought that might be a terrific outlet for my creativity.
Well, three young children, homeschooling, children's ministry, and various other duties have taken precedence over these hobbies.
I prayed over this for nearly two years. I know that I did not consult God on the opening of the business and it really has created problems for me since I chose to go out on this limb by myself. I could almost hear God's voice in my head this week as I was driving up my driveway. And I knew that it was time to be obedient.
Surprisingly, I was excited to call and close the business. It was like a weight lifting off my shoulders. That's just how obedience feels. Freedom - pure and simple.
My hope is that God will allow me to reopen the business one day. But this time I plan on praying about it first!
Well, three young children, homeschooling, children's ministry, and various other duties have taken precedence over these hobbies.
I prayed over this for nearly two years. I know that I did not consult God on the opening of the business and it really has created problems for me since I chose to go out on this limb by myself. I could almost hear God's voice in my head this week as I was driving up my driveway. And I knew that it was time to be obedient.
Surprisingly, I was excited to call and close the business. It was like a weight lifting off my shoulders. That's just how obedience feels. Freedom - pure and simple.
My hope is that God will allow me to reopen the business one day. But this time I plan on praying about it first!
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